Happy Birthday.

It's my beau's mom's 70th birthday today.

She passed away two weeks ago.  Watching his heart break has been the hardest thing I have ever dealt with.

I want to make all his pain go away.  I can't. 

I'm a control freak.

I'm a self centered control freak.

I need to celebrate life more often.  The little things.  Time with people.  Walking around.  Waking up.  Sleeping.  Eating.  Loving.  Breathing.  Hearing.  Talking.  Making mistakes...

We each have such a beautiful, perfectly imperfect existence.  Like a delicate candle flame, we can be snuffed out..gone in an instant.  All that's left are the smokey vapors swirling in the air.  But until then, we have that candle's fire, that burns and burns, brighter and brighter.  Our life.  Its pretty dang stunning.

XO.

A Gift For Melody Anne

It's been a while.

A lot has happened.

I feel like I did when I was a kid.  When I hadn't prayed in a long time, I would feel bad for ignoring God, but too ashamed to talk to him about it...so I would stay away.

I'll start back slowly.

I listened to this song on repeat for about two hours:

I want to get back



I want to get square


I want to get back all the hopes and the dreams that I had


That the good lord above us can't spare


Like that actor said I don't want to lose heart


I don't want to get beat beat down by the big big world


Or quit before I even start






Lord I just want my life to be true


And I just want my heart to be true


And I just want my words to be true


I want my soul to feel brand new






I want to hold hands


And I want make love


I want to keep running all day and all night


Even when my mind tells my body that's enough






And I want to stand up and I want to stand tall


If I ever have a son, if I ever have a daughter


I don't want to tell them that I didn't give my all






And I just want my life to be true


I just want my heart to be true


I just want my words to be true


I want my soul to feel brand brand new


Like a fresh coat of paint


We can make it anything but blue


Anything but blue






Now when your dreams start saying I can't come true


You'd be better off without me


Don't let em go, don't let em go






I don't want to go broke, not from one bad deal


I don't want to be up all night crying in my hands


For a girl that isn't even real






Lord I just want my life to be true


And I just want my heart to be true


And I just want my words to be true


And I just want my song to be true


And I just want my heart to be true


And I just want my life to be true


And I just want my words to be true


And I just want my heart to be true


And I just want my life to be true


And I just want my song to be true


And I just want my life to be true


I want my soul to feel brand new


I want my soul to feel brand new


XO.